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—Analog Polaroids—

Do you like black~? Or black and white~?

_#121003

While waiting for filming I took pictures… ‘click click’
I also took a polaroid picture… ‘click’

— — —

—Above The Clouds—

They seem like I could grab them, but I can’t.
They seem like I could touch them, but I can’t.
Clouds are so heartless.
So terrible!

I’m really tired after being up all night filming,
but in the sky so brightly blue it hurts my eyes
the clouds just float along looking like cotton candy…
Who do they think they’re messing with?

On the ground you can’t even dream of reaching them,
but on the airplane they’re right there in front of my eyes…
But I still can’t touch them?
Stop pissing me off!

I’m done with this.
I’m going to sleep.
Hmph!

_#121004

— — —

—A Walk—

I went out with Dongwoo hyung and Sungjong to the Han River in Mangwon.
Despite the chilly fall weather we saw older adults,
in their 50’s and 60’s, enjoying jet skis and yachts and other leisure sports.
It made me realize that I would like to stay healthy as I grow older, just like them.

“There’s a duck boat, too!”_{(Dongwoo hyung and Sungjong)}

Sadly ignored in favor for more interesting leisure sports and laid out on it’s side,
the slightly pink duck boat looked extremely lonely.
Wanting to save it, even if just in a picture, I raised my camera. ‘click’

_#121005

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(( The italics after the title but before the actual text are hand-written notes next to the pictures. :3 ))

—Sunset at Eulwangri Beach—

Eulwangri Beach is a beach that was picked as a national tourist spot in 1986. It’s located at 746 Eulwang-dong, Jung-gu, Incheon only around an hour’s drive from Seoul on the Olympic Expressway. Having heard that the sunset is beautiful there, I grabbed my camera and headed out to the beach a bit impulsively. I didn’t know at the time, but supposedly it’s also famous for being where “1 Night 2 Days” has been filmed. The wide, open horizon and beach give you a sense of leisure and ease.

Because it was Chuseok the beach was full of families, couples, and groups of friends leisurely enjoying their time Watching them, I wondered what I was doing there among them, having just come with our company’s CEO… No, whatever… it doesn’t really matter.

On days like that, it’s much times more fun if you can go to the beach with someone else.
We road the group jet boats, and went together to eat the famous must-have food at Eulwangri Beach, grilled clams, to fill our empty stomachs.

Then, just on time…
I was able to see the famous Eulwangri sunset.
It was the first time I had seen a red sunset.
The amazingly delicious taste of the grilled clams from just a little before
was easily overcome by the beauty of my first beach sunset.

_#121001

— — —

—From The Roof Parking Lot of Sinchon Station—

Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga… (sound of a train)

There are two stations in Sinchon. The railway station and the subway station.

I had gone to see a movie, but by chance as I looked over the sun was setting.
Thinking of the sunset at Eulwangri the day before
of course I hurried to the roof of Sinchon Station.

There aren’t humble houses by the train line like there used to be,
but if you look off in the direction of Sinchon Subway Station there are many people on the move.
Though I usually would pass by all those people completely indifferently,
I was able to pay attention to them all
thanks to having got a small bit of free time
to begin to feel apologetic to the world I had distanced myself from and avoided.

The reason the sunset in the busy city
is just as beautiful as the sunset I had seen the day before at Eulwangri Beach
is because it’s a common everyday occurrence
that is completely reborn if you take the time to give it more meaning in your life.

_#121002

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—黒 (Black)—

I like the color black the most.
It’s almost like it’s full of a sort of magic
that unfailingly absorbs me while also seeing straight through me.
At the same time, it has the marvelous ability of being able to protect me and lay my heart at rest,
that is, to easily show it’s power of being able to soothe my heart even in chaos.

Black reminds me of the very ends of the ocean at night.
It puts my disjointed, starving mind back in order and shows me the milestones I have passed.

That’s why
I like the color black.

_#120928

— — —

—秋 (Autumn)—

While filming, I happened to look up at the sky.
The day before where fall rain had poured itself into the dry ground
almost felt like a dream because the sky was so clear and bright.
Along with presenting us with more refreshing air
the abundance of energy pulls out and encourages our emotions and desires.

Among the four seasons
I like fall the most.

_#120929

— — —

—Hongdae Front Gate—

It’s Chuseok.
With the precious time I was given
I was thinking about going to see an art exhibition
so I made my way to Hongdae.
Even on Korea’s largest national holiday of Chuseok
there were a lot of people in front of Hongdae’s front gate.
These streets that are overflowing with youth and energy are the streets of the arts.

As a middle school student I was very interested in drawing and in art,
and earnestly wanting to gain entrance into an art college
I would even fill the margins of my textbooks with comic drawings.
When I would suddenly have an idea or draw with no reason
I would just sketch them down, and I frequented the art supply store.
At that time, when I knew nothing but how to dream,
there were so many things that I wanted to do.
Hah! I’m starting to get all sentimental.

_#120930

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(This is sort of a ‘prologue’ to the first section of 29 pictures/writings. :3 After this I will post a couple of writings in each post.)

—01 “The First 29 Days”—

Around the time of the year when the ‘refreshing’ wind starts to feel more ‘chilly’ I had found my way into the shadow of a new beginning.

To ‘start’ something new is always heart-pounding and nauseating. Almost like a baby right before leaving their mother’s stomach to be born into the world, who burst out crying because they are a bit scared and doubtful of the unfamiliar air on their skin.

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(The first part of the profile is written in English, so I will just re-type it as it is. The keywords seem to be words he wants people to pay attention for throughout the book, or specific ‘stories’ he finds most important to him?)

Profile

My name is L. (The boy who writes a diary through pictures, Kim Myungsoo.)
My birthday is 1992.03.13.
My bloodtype is O!
My height is 180cm.
My debut is 2010 debut.

First I finish preparing my camera! I fully charge the battery,
and in the winter a hat, gloves, and a mask are required.
But if you wear a mask and breathe,
it causes your camera’s viewfinder to fog up, which is the inconvenient realtiy.
But if you don’t wear a mask
the chance that you might catch a cold or chronic bronchitis rises 70%
so I wear a mask, and make a point of holding my breath while taking pictures.
It’s the most analog (controllable) way to prevent your viewfinder fogging up.

— — —

Essay Book Keywords

Samchung-dong, Seorae Village (Montmartre), Hongdae, Sangsu, Sinchon, Seoul Suburbs, Camp, Nanji Island, Daebu Island, Karosu Street, northern Kangbyeon Expressway, Jukjeon, Imjingak, 63 Building, Fukuoka, ocean, sunset, performance, dressing room, snow, doll, pomelo tea, lemon tea, cold.

*Infinite, *Inspirit, cat, sky, wind, comics, darwing drawing, essay, guitar, concert, kanjang kejang, kalguksu, cue sheet, headphones, arena tour, Tokyo Tower, camera, lens, puppy, passport, Osaka, one-way, cafe, sushi, bird, Han River, handmade burger, Polaroid, baby, company meal, chicken, Vietnam, sunbae, party, ad, acting, recording studio, radio, broadcast, toy soldier, support, cake, Sunggyu, Dongwoo, Woohyun, Hoya, Sungyeol, L, Sungjong, Infinite H, detox, healing, start!

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There was a time where, while preparing for an outdoor filming, the breeze was lightly brushing over my face and I lifted my head and made eye-contact* with the sky. I put away my ringing smart phone for just a moment and took a deep breath, and it felt like the poison of digital civilization that had taken it’s place in every corner of my body was finally leaving.

As a person who is not in control of time, but is rather a slave to time itself, I’ve had to tightly close off my heart against the inescapable reality that I’ve just lived life chased by time. So how often will I be able to freely open up my heart with my memories and longing and be able to realize who “I” really am? I suddenly wanted to be able to communicate with the world as a normal 20 year old, spending each day recklessly, rather than on stage as “L”, a member of Infinite.

The first time I held a DSLR camera was when I got my first paycheck after signing my contract as a trainee, when I bought it on impulse despite my parents trying to tell me otherwise. Considering I had only wanted it that much because I had always enjoyed taking pictures and having pictures taken of me, I didn’t know what to do or even what I should do with it, so I decided to start off using it as a “diary” to keep track of my days. I made a habit of heading off to nearby places on my own whenever I had even a tiny bit of time, and was able to make a sort of world where I was able to enjoy myself perfectly fine even if I was alone. It was the pictures and emotional messages that steadied my dizzy steps. And now I think it might be okay for me to let this new ide of L, of Kim Myungsoo, debut after having found him through recording my simple everyday life. 

I want to show you who “I” really am by showing you my feelings, something that goes beyond our regular five senses, just as they are. The day to day life that we’ve all gotten used to is full of stress and depression and emptiness, and we all grow tired and hurt both physically and mentally from the endless competitions forced upon us, so I hope that you will be able to remember how you really feel even if for a short time, and discover some of your real self through my book. Right now, the time you spend reading this book, is an important moment for you and I, and for us.

Taking the time I had and using it to record my surroundings was like breathing a new life into my small dreams. Even the one-way arrows of the small alleyways that I used to pass by indifferently began to feel like a sign leading to success if I were to just start running down those roads, and the careless footprints in the sand by the ocean start feeling like they have a much heavier meaning. If you’re able to take the meaning of it all and use it as a source of comfort when things are hard for you, even one small tear of happiness can become a shining source of joy.

— Written by “L” (the boy who writes a diary through pictures, Kim Myungsoo) —

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This feeling is great.
Take a deep breath, who-ah.
This night I’ve cautiously come to take your heart…
On this still night…

(Do we know each other?)
Hearing your first words to me, “Do we know each other?”,
was the moment I decided.
(You don’t know me?)
Do you know me?

You called for me.
At just the right moment you called my name.
At that moment I dreamt of everything,
of how radiant I could become to make you shine by my side.

One step, I’ll take you in the back seat of my car.
Two step, we’ll fly up high.
It will be insanely stunning, so don’t be surprised.
You are so beautiful.
One step, I’ll keep you in my heart.
Two step, I’ll fasten the first button of my shirt.
Don’t look at anyone else now, look only at one person.
Look only at me.

(I took) your heart.
I won’t let it go.
(You knew) about me.
I’m not how I used to be, not able to see an inch in front of me.
All of my friends will love you,
They’ll love how you become mine.

I felt it.
The moment I saw you I knew
that it was the most important moment of my life,
that it was the decisive moment of my life that would change everything.

One step, I’ll take you in the back seat of my car.
Two step, we’ll fly up high.
It will be insanely stunning, so don’t be surprised.
You are so beautiful.
One step, I’ll keep you in my heart.
Two step, I’ll fasten the first button of my shirt.
Don’t look at anyone else now, look only at one person.
Look only at me.

(I stole your heart.)
Even if I look too cautious, the mission I’ve been given was already possible.
(You knew.) At the end of this psychological war that seemed never-ending I got your password.
You’d better watch out. Take this feeling, and on this night that I’ve come for you let’s match our steps.
One step and two step, hold your breath, I’ve got you.

This feeling is great.
Take a deep breath, who-ah.
This night I’ve cautiously come to take your heart…

One step, I’ll take you in the back seat of my car.
Two step, we’ll fly up high.
I will be insanely stunning, so don’t be surprised when you look at me.
You are so beautiful.
One step, I’ll keep you in my heart.
Two step, I’ll fasten the first button of my shirt.
Don’t look at anyone else now, look only at one person, it’s wonderful~.

(I took) your heart.
I won’t let it go.
(You knew) about me.
I’m not how I used to be, not able to see an inch in front of me.
All of my friends will love you,
They’ll love how you become mine.

On this day that I have your heart,
I dream of you.

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It’s coming, you’re coming into my heart bit by bit
without me having noticed.
My world that had been so steady is shaking again.

My cold gaze, the same every day life I had is changing with your warm feeling,
I grow up another day and head to you.

Love is looking at you, happiness is going along with you,
tears and pain all leave and nothing can be better than this.
Let’s go leisurely, let’s believe in each other, I’ll always stay by your side.
If we’re together nothing in the world can be better than this.

Tears come to my eyes and my sight blurs at the smallest thing and my heart is uneasy.
You had given me that one spot in your heart, but now it’s empty, uh.
My pride got in the way and I lost the feelings love had given us.
But I don’t think so. I’m unchanged, all I want is you.

The days without you fade
almost as if they never happened.
Our story starts from the very beginning.

A new point of view, a world I never knew, it all expands in front of me limitlessly every day.
I grow up more than yesterday and take another step towards you.

Love is looking at you, happiness is going along with you,
tears and pain all leave and nothing can be better than this.
Let’s go leisurely, let’s believe in each other, I’ll always stay by your side.
If we’re together nothing in the world can be better than this.

My life that had been like a chair with a short leg was somehow able to find it’s balance with you.
It changes to a new morning where even though I had been dark I’m able to express what I feel.
I’m here, I’m a resting place made for you.

Love is good then, and I didn’t understand happiness at that time.
They say that you have to break up to understand how important it was to you.
My love all belongs to you, and I have no happiness without you,
So nothing can be better than right now with you.

Over and over… It echoes in my heart and won’t stop.
Over and over… This warm feeling that won’t end.
Over and over… over and over… over and over…

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The tears don’t come out anymore, so thinking that I was better now
I came out to these streets for the first time in a while, but it seems like that was a mistake.

“Goodbye.” Your cold
“Goodbye.” voice is
always lingering in the wind that brushes me by.

Where could you be right now? How are you?
Could you be where my longing is?
Could you maybe be
longing for the same things that I am?
It’s really hard for me without you, everything is difficult.
Each time I breathe I’m tortured with thoughts of you.
Even if I try and try
I’m still trapped in the traces of you that keep coming back.

Like that awkward day when we fist held hands,
spending each and every day alone is still awkward for me.

“Goodbye.” Your cold
“Goodbye.” voice is
always lingering in these streets that I walk now.

Where could you be right now? How are you?
Could you be where my longing is?
Could you maybe be
longing for the same things that I am?
It’s really hard for me without you, everything is difficult.
Each time I breathe I’m tortured with thoughts of you.
Even if I try and try
I’m still trapped in the traces of you that keep coming back.

Belated regrets, useless hopes,
but in my heart I still want to find you again.

I want to say that I missed you, that I’m sorry,
that I’m regretting how awkward I had been.
I want to gather courage to tell you,
so that I could tell you, but where are you now?

Where are you? Where are you?
Could you be where my longing is?

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I hum along to the love songs I had no interest in
and all the melodramas seem like they’re telling my story.
I put out another side of me and pay more attention to my looks,
and I begin to savor the taste of bitter coffee.

Time flies by so quickly
and I become more impatient.
I imagine you by my side
and film a movie all for myself.

When a guy is in love he always
wants to stay by your side, and always
has so many things he wants to do for you.
When I fall in love
I want to give you my everything
and only hope for your heart in return.

When I fall in love.
When a guy is in love.
When a guy is in love.

My head falls to your slowly reddening cheek.
I’m on my way, only looking at you.
My confession has crazily run to you.
When a guy is in love, even if he loses his passion
all for that one girl, he’ll go on without regrets
as if today is the very last day and give all he has (All I Have).

Like an child without experience I force a smile,
I say I’m different from others and control myself.

When a guy is in love he always
wants to stay by your side, and always
has so many things he wants to do for you.
When I fall in love
I want to give you my everything
and only hope for your heart in return.

When I fall in love,
fall so deep I can’t part from you,
the letters on a book’s pages all dance with your name.
The actresses in movies and even the moon in the sky look like you.
I draw you in my mind everyday.
I have to have you in my arms to be relaxed,
it’s a resting place for you.
My feelings for you won’t ever go away.

Look at me. If I’m feeling like this, I must have fallen for you.
If someone gives you signs like I am now, they’re begging you to realize.

When a guy is in love he always
wants to stay by your side, and always
has so many things he wants to do for you.
When I fall in love
I want to give you my everything
and only hope for your heart in return.

When I fall in love.
When a guy is in love.
When a guy is in love.
When I’m in love.
When I’ve fallen for you.